Here it is...

the lack of posts and the reason for that...

I am stumbling.  Lacking time and well, photographs, too.  Honestly, kind of depressed.

It's a grouchy, hung over, bad lookin' winter here in Upstate New York.  Everything is muddy, gray and brown.  'Cept my beautiful car, which is covered in white salt.  I'd wash it, but you know, five minutes later, same thing all over again.

My little kitty Webster got sick and we had to put him to sleep.  In all my pet owning years I somehow have managed to avoid having to euthanize an animal, so this was a first.  It was not a bad process and the vet was so very kind.  I miss the little weirdo, though. He's the one in the tuxedo in the post about my "family."

My husband had a near miss with a job, after being out of work for two years.  So the roller coaster ride was rather intense.  That was really hard.  I'm working on, seriously, minute-by-minute breathing and letting go of my fears.  I keep telling myself we are going to be ok and we will get through this, but still, I'm scared.  It takes a lot of energy to keep moving away from fear because it's like a rubber band that keeps snapping me back.  I don't know which is more exhausting, trying to stay out of fear or feeling it and being wiped out from that. 

I'd love to do something more creative.  I am very good at my parent advocate job.  It's nice to go to work and be happy to be there and feel like something I am doing is making a difference to a family, maybe not right away, but eventually setting a new direction that just might make things better. But I'd like to create beautiful things, express myself artistically.  Have some more animals and a nice garden.  These things are not impossible, just slightly out of reach. 

So as I grapple with these things, I am not writing on the blog.  Today, though, I thought maybe I should just say what's going on.  I am reading some EXCELLENT books about shame by Brene Brown.  They are helping me a lot to grow and accept myself, even the ugly, awful parts of me.  And believe me, I've got the petty, bitter, stupid stuff along with everything else. Because I know that the way most people perceive themselves is in a more positive light than they probably actually appear to others, I know I probably have a lot of other, shall we say, challenging traits that need softening. And then, because when I'm feeling down, I am harder on myself than is helpful and so I am probably a little shy on giving myself credit, too.  Stress has a way of really messing up how things are viewed by the stressee.

So, as I get more organized and get some focus, I'll be back.  Maybe even with a new camera, and some photographs that aren't black, brown and gray!   XOXOX

Adventures of an Unsuccessful Celebrity Stalker

Well...I guess you heard.  Chelsea got married yesterday.  So since I live just a very short drive from Rhinebeck, I decided to grab my husband and head on over for some sightings. 

Here's what I've got for you, people:

We waited outside the entrance to the Beekman Arms Inn, which houses rooms and a restaurant.  At one time George Washington and his troops ate here.  They must have been pretty short in those days because the ceilings are very low inside.

The grounds were especially beautiful, because they had been working on them for weeks.

Across the street was the media area, where they were filming their reports live to the evening news.  There were zillions of police, state troopers and secret service around, but they were all friendly and having a good time.  I got the feeling they were the sort one might be able to talk out of a traffic ticket if one were to get one, that is.

You can see a big tangle of cords, lighting and staff all over.

The woman on the right was from the ABC affiliate and was rehearsing her "story."  The big news was that Bill Clinton was spotted earlier in the day walking down the street in a black polo shirt and jeans.  What you don't see on the news is that she is reading from a yellow pad and standing on a cardboard box, wearing white flip flops.  Kind of makes you wonder...is Katie Couric wearing short shorts under that desk?

We got hungry finally and walked through town where we saw all sorts of well-wishing messages.  Here are a few of the cuter ones:

This was a simple balloon hung outside a shop that was closed for the day.

This was one of my favorites.  This shop usually has life sized stuffed animals in the window.  Here they have the Dalmations smooching with a gift bag between them wishing Chelsea and Marc happiness. 

The Paper Trail had this wedding gown in their window, made entirely of ah...paper.  Honestly, it's not a bad idea considering you only wear this dress once. Think of the money that could be saved for funner things, such as the honeymoon!  (Yes, I did say funner...I'm an English major and qualified to take liberties with the language.  Just don't say "alot" around me, though; it's like fingernails on a chalkboard.)

I'd love to show the pictures we got of the celebs going to the rehearsal dinner, but alas... none.  We stayed until 9:30 PM and Bill and Hillary didn't get there until about 11:30.  They waved to the crowd for 2 seconds and then went in.  I did get the scoop on something, though, and that's how much I love a small town. 

Rhinebeck is very picturesque and green, with loads of Victorian houses everywhere.  (Seriously, Jeanne, these houses are drool-worthy!)  Everything is neat, and clean enough to eat off of.  There are several Zagat rated restaurants and many adorable shops.  Omega institute also resides off in the woods.  And of course, the fairgrounds which hosts flea markets and crafts, antique car shows, the Sheep and Wool Festival among other events.  (Including, get this-- a fair!) 

What I really enjoyed about the town was the hominess of it.  Troops of little kids jamming into Village Pizza after their game, police joking with each other and seeing friends that they just "friended on Facebook" that day.  Everyone courteous and in a good mood.  I really miss that kind of community, living where we do out in the ouskirts. 

Anyway, not to be deterred, my husband and I set out the following night to find a location to view the wedding fireworks.  We ended up getting the PERFECT spot just across the Hudson and we waited there from 8:30 to 11:00 when we finally admitted defeat and went home.  Dang if I didn't read in the paper that they had fireworks after all.  (Probably 10 minutes after we left.)  But we did watch an absolutely gorgeous moon rise in the sky, all yellow and leaving a shimmering image on the river.  It was really magical and peaceful.

This I can say for sure, whoever prayed for the weather for this weekend did a really good job of it.  (I'm hoping I can put them to work praying for me to inherit one of those lacy Victorians in Rhinebeck.) 

Along the way...

When I'm out visiting clients, I take my camera with me in my purse.  I do a lot of driving and see a lot of things and so I take pictures.  This rainbow was very unusual because first of all there had not been any rain that day.  I just happened to look up and see it.  The sky was clear with just a few of these fuzzy clouds.  And the rainbow was not curved, but ran straight across the sky.

A few days later, I got out of my car and saw this adorable little dog looking at me from inside a big white truck next to me.  I was very worried when I saw the windows rolled up because it was about 95 degrees out, but then I noticed that the dog was not panting.  Hmmmm.....then I heard the engine running, so I deduced (oh so smartly) that the A/C must have been left on inside the truck.  Not only that, there was music playing and another little fuzzball pooch in there, too.  I was very relieved to know that they were left in such caring circumstances. 

Just a little reminder, most people really know by now, but don't leave your little petties in hot cars.  Unless , of course, the air conditioning and classical music is playing for them.  Awww!

This is one of my favorite houses, on one of my routes.  It's brick with a lot of "gingerbread" trim on it.  This day I happened to glance over at it and saw roses, roses and more roses.  Each bush was a different color:  red, cherry, orange, yellow, and the effect was really stunning.  Not to mention the fragrance in the air was just incredible. 

Having my little Canon with me has really changed how I observe my surroundings, and in a positive way.  I just hope I don't get into an accident leaping out of my car some day to take a picture.  I am learning to listen more to the voice in my head that is encouraging me to stop and just take the dang picture and don't assume it will be waiting on the trip back. 

That happened last week when I saw a herd of dairy cows all corraled by the road where it would have been very easy for me to pull over and get a pic.  Instead, I kept going and sure enough, nary a one was there when I came back.  I'm hoping they were moved to the back 40 and not to (gulp) you-know-where.

Peace

Just on the perchance you aren't as excited as I am about the coming Squam Art Workshop I will be attending in June, I thought I'd post up this photo that I got from Lizzy House's blog.  She will be the one instructing me on how to make that fabulous mobile...  You should really check her out, she is the cutest pixie person with an overstock of energy.  How could she not be with a name like "Lizzy"?  Love it!

Just looking at this photograph brings peace to my heart.  And I surely could use some right about now. 

I have been so stressed out for the past few months that I have actually nearly ruined my digestive system.  Considering that I am one of the most fortunate and healthy persons around, having a health problem other than a cold or the flu is a very new and unwelcome experience for me.  I will be 61 in two days and I feel like I'm 35, and usually act like it, too. 

Anyway, I will have to content myself with imagining I'm in this beautiful scene until I actually get there.  And maybe that will help my digestion, which refuses to be under my control in any way.  Ugh! 

Like my granddaughter Ava likes to say, "I'm 'cited!!"

Looking Up

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions; seems like a waste of time. But this year I got into an interesting frame of mind.

I was thinking about personal power and how to conserve it.

Creativity and how to grow it.

What I realized is that gossip is kicking my feet out from under me. Not the kind that one ordinarily thinks of, hanging around the water cooler yapping about some silly nothing. What I more was thinking was talking about someone else who isn't there, with let's say, a less than noble intention. You know what I mean...talking about your mother-in-law and how she drives you nuts or how the plumber charged too much and what a rip-off it is; that kind of stuff. Those conversations that I am too scared to have with the right person. I started to realize that if I wasn't willing to go straight to the person who needed to hear what I was saying, I was just spinning my wheels.

Whining.

Focusing on the negative.

Very uncreative stuff.

Stuff guaranteed to keep me stuck in crabola mode.

And I made a resolution to make a concerted effort to stop gossiping and to not participate in anyone else's. This is going to be a lot harder than losing weight, that's for sure.

Forcing myself to either deal with what I was upset about or just changing the channel in my head and thinking about something else puts me in the power position of either solving a problem or starving it to death and not being a voluntary victim any more.

And getting more energy.

And looking up to see THIS, which I would never have noticed while grumping away on my cell phone. Isn't this the most delightful architectural eye candy? I have probably driven by this about 50 times and just never seen it because I was too sunk in my own boring brain. I mean, lOOk at those charming curves, those crooked stairs, that wrought iron porch. There must be a fairy princess in there somewhere!